A day in the Tombs

I wasn’t on the floor more than 10 minutes when someone asked “did I want to play cards?” Well, sure. (really the only appropriate answer). They dealt me a hand while I tried to figure out whether it was stud or draw or whatever. It turned out to be “whatever”, and I spent about 10 minutes trying to figure out which whatever game I was playing. I wasn’t getting very far when I realized that I couldn’t even make semi-educated bluffs. I was in a completely different league.

“Hmmm, y’know, I’m sorry. I’m over my head here. What is this game?”

“Ouist.” (a form of bridge)

“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, man”.

The rest of the day was fairly slow, but later, in the evening, there was a trial.

There were opening arguments and the prosecuting and defense attorneys introduced themselves. There were motions to suppress and motions in limine, abstractions, abuse of process, overt acts and acts that I really didn’t comprehend. What it boiled down to though, was that a guy from our floor was caught holding hands through the bars with one of the transvestites in the adjoining cell block. The court was convened to decide his guilt or innocence, and, should there be a conviction, the appropriate punishment for holding hands in a public area of the cellblock with a transvestite.

I recalled my roomate’s warning. “If you plan on taking a shower, make sure nobody else is up there.” And then something about “holes in the wall”. Holes in the wall were considered okay, as long as there were no witnesses. (Apparently, though, holding hands wasn’t.)

Though his defense was brilliant, in the end, the guy from our floor was found guilty and sentenced to death. The trial had taken several hours, the verdict about 5 minutes and the sentencing was immediate. I’m thinking, “Shit!” Would they hang the guy? knife him? Throw him off the tier? These thoughts were going through my mind when the judge added, “sentence to be suspended, subject to immediate execution should there be a future infraction.”

At that point, the cellblock was starting to resemble a giant game of Ouist, and I realized I should probably be taking copius notes.

This entry was posted in The Bad.

6 thoughts on “A day in the Tombs

  1. Is this damned thing broken again? Or was it the drivel filter kicking in?I guess we’ll find out.

  2. I wasn’t sure what was going on here (it would appear your “excerpt” isn’t appearing with your “body”). But since you were talking about fantasies, I figured I sit back and watch.

  3. I actually tried to do that on purpose, since I was starting to get annoyed when I click on “read rest of article” and find myself reading something twice, cursing and going away, scaring the cats, etc. But someone else couldn’t post here, so I thought maybe I broke it. I wrote them back asking if they were a spambot, though.

  4. Okay, not very fast, but let’s face it, coming up in the No. 1 and 2 positions on any google search has to count for something. I’m not sure I get it.

    I spend hours every week making sure that my various biz sites at least come up on page 1, and it’s a struggle. On this site, I do nothing; I don’t even post for months at a time. And yet the logs show me coming up in the top 5 for a lot of different searches. Mostly technical, and I’ll find myself listed as some guru in some techy forum because of something I posted. And let’s face it, usually I’m just bragging about my 55 mbps cable connection. I’m probably the worst authority on practically any subject, and yet forums link to me.

    A friend of mine from long ago is a very good artist. I think he had a show at the Guggenheim. Yet, recently, someone looking for him pulled me up at number 1 because I mentioned he was a drummer in my band in a post I made referencing him about 3 years ago.

    And my link was the only one that was about him. That’s scary. Geez, I hope he didn’t have to go back to flipping burgers.

  5. Google works in mysterious ways. That, and I do believe Textpattern’s output somehow tickles its funny bone in a special way.

    Google has always loved me, but I didn’t get ridiculously high returns with MT like I do with Txp. Could be total coincidence, I guess.

    It’s also odd that Google seemed to drop me much lower in its index about mid October. I saw a huge dropoff in search engine traffic for months. Until about two weeks ago, when they seem to have bumped me up again. My site has stayed a PR6 the whole time. Only the number of returns changed.

    It’s possible I made some change to my site that put me in the dog house, but it seemed to align with the “Jagger” rejiggering of their index that many were whining about last October.

    The drop in traffic was fine with me, and the re-bump seems to be slightly more reasonable. For example, last October I was a freakin’ page one return for “neiman marcus.” Which was insane. Then I dropped to like page 12, a much saner position. Now, I’m page two, which is only marginally less ridiculous.

    Wow, I’m way off topic (which was, um “holes in the wall”?). You should delete me.

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